Tolle with a side of Tollhouse (cookies)

I’m wrapping up for the night with the goal to read a significant amount of Β “A New Earth” without falling asleep like I usually do. I have a few of the cookies I made with me for motivation (positive reinforcement?) as I read. Today, I ended up sleeping for most of the day, skipping out on a cousin’s birthday party, and just going to a casual dinner and hanging with my parents at home instead. I needed my rest, protein/sustenance, my parents (their support and company), our cozy home, and some trashy lifetime movie network television (that never hurts). I also got to do 2 loads of laundry there for free, which was a +! Trying to see the silver linings and appreciate what I DO have. So I would say it was a pretty solid evening. He comes up in conversations sometimes and did often last night. I notice that sometmes the emotional repurcussions of certain comments, statements/ conversations take a “sleep” to sink in. I’m one of those people who needs to take some time to “process” (yep, a 4-letter therapist word…). I was taking an inventory on my life since I started being involved in romantic relationships and have come up with some interesting insights about myself and about how I haven’t allowed myself to really focus on me…ever. I guess now is the time. Having this insight I’d say is 1/4 of the battle and the rest is doing what I have to do to get to know myself/create myself, heal, and love myself (Glad I’m sticking to the blog’s purpose…I get off-track sometimes). I’m a pretty damn strong human. Today sucked at parts and rocked at parts, but that is every day for you, am I right? My stepmom even said to me that I am a survivor, that I am strong, and that I have guts for doing the schlep into the city to do something new. I feel good right now and am thankful for this “mandatory” week of vacation. I have learned a lot more about myself and have become a lot more stronger and self-introspective than if I were to take that trip to Florida. I’ve also gotten some more restorative rest. But I realize, if I had been invited to that trip to Florida, I wouldn’t be in the place I am in now and this blog would likely not exist…or this journey. Six Tollhouse cookies in one hand, a half a dozen in the other. Reading time! Goodnight.

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