I love how because I constantly expose myself to positive affirmations and messages, I can reframe negative thoughts in my head pretty quickly…if I’m williing to do so, of course. I was looking at my year in review and originally thought to myself: how could someone who seemingly loved me so much pick up and leave my life so suddenly? I rebuttled that thought with “he could, he would, and he did.” This way of thinking is something known as “radical acceptance”: accepting a situation for what it IS. I often do have my moments of denial and false hope about him and about us, which I understand is only natural and normal. I have been trying to stay focused on me and what I can do to better find, heal, and improve myself. So thank you to him for giving me a reason to start my resolution early and for other reasons than simply a new year. Honestly, my curent resolution to find, heal, love, improve, etc. myself is crucial to my survival–my growth and development–as a woman and as a human who is only guaranteeed a relationship with HERSELF for the rest of her life. This time of the year has been really difficult for me and I experience internal and external triggers of him and our relationship all of the time. I miss him and trick myself into thinking he’ll be waiting at my doorstep “one of these days” asking to have me back. I then tell myself that I need to focus on the bigger picture, my own wants and needs, interests, and goals…and how to determine these for myself in the most healing and nurturing way. My “self” has been too pliable this past year and easily shattered by the opinions of others. I aim to form a solid and healthy self– body and mind–so that I can achieve all that I want to in this life. I’m confused about what that might be at this point in time, but I know that I’m a passionate enough person to pursue something and to become successful in it. I have a lot of energy and quite a few interests…it’s just about putting this energy towards such an interest at the right time in the right place (perhaps I need to CREATE that right time and place for myself!). I plan to continue exploring and strengthening my mind, body, and spirit through yoga, exercise, meditation, reading, and therapy–as the role of client and therapist–in the new year. I plan to continue to share with you my triumphs, tribulations, and everything in between. I plan to only participate in activities that are good for ME and as I see fit. I plan to stay off of Facebook until I am ready to be exposed to triggering people, places, and things, or perhaps eliminate Facebook altogether. I will spend the next year listening to my inner voice, passions, and interests in developing a better and higher self. I will allow myself to think about him, because these thoughts will naturally come up. I will; however, not allow myself to obsess or ruminate. If I begin doing so, I will call a friend or partake in a distraction activity.
I wish my readers, family, friends, clients, coworkers, and him the absolute best in the next year. I know I am becoming better, stronger, and more ME each and every day. Helping myself and others to do so is currently my life’s work. I will not let anyone reduce the importance of that. Happy New Year, everyone! Tonight I’m off to my friends’ place to ring in the new year with my best friends. I refer to them as “the gals”. This is a girls-only event. I am thankful for this, as girltime is much needed for me right now! #noboysallowed