Fridays…

What some would think “should” be the best day of the week, it’s actually my least favorite because I would love Fridays with him. I would love having someone to come home to. There are a lot of forces of habit that make the realization of not having him even sadder. I also have to return to a place where him and I have made a lot of memories and he gets to start out fresh in a new apartment in a new town. I hate even seeing his new town on signs. I hate the associations that I have with him with the area I even work in.  I feel restless and sad about him and about all of this. I tell myself it is only normal and OK. I don’t have anyone or him for that matter to rescue me during this time. I’m scared, lonely, and am not really looking forward to 5:00. My back aches and I haven’t been on a normal exercise routine for the past month. I’m feeling kind of down at the moment and very behind on paperwork. This is not reflective of my general persona or my work ethic. I feel like I broke in December and I’m still trying to recuperate myself a month later. Things come in my way and derail this healing process at times, including my own thoughts, but it is what it is and I must fight through. I must keep up with my housework and work-work and establish a normal exercise and eating routine. This will be my goal for the weekend. I just feel like crap at the moment, but I know “this too shall pass”. It’s really hard to believe the good that’s ahead because you can’t see it. I guess that’s what faith is all about. I stepped out to grab a cozy Starbucks drink to help the day go by faster. Affirmation: I am aware and insightful. I use these positive characteristics to better my life despite how I may feel.

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