Every day of my life feels like Monday…

I’m not being negative or anything right now, right? I just had a lot of reality checks and real and honest feelings come up for me during the past week or so. I’m going to address them privately in my journal. But your gut says a lot. Mine is speaking loudly and I’m trying to listen to it for once in my life…for some reason everything is coming back to him (my ex). No temporary fix or compliment or nice conversation can patch this up at this point in time. Only me loving myself and trusting in the universe/God to give me what I need when I am ready for it. I had a dream last night where we got back together and my heart and soul were so happy and content… not in pain and confusion like now. I resolve to continue to stay single and to form new and better mental habits fot myself. One of my friends pointed out to me today that I focus on the deficits and on my codependency a lot and suggested that I focus on something more positive. I don’t believe they understand the extent to which I suffer (only I do), or the psychology behind it. At the same time, I am a therapist…people don’t come in to tell me their lives are wonderful. I don’t treat happiness in others, or myself, for that matter. I have become fascinated, perhaps a little obsessed with the topic of trauma. I agree that I should also leave room for other positive obsessions. I am also reading van der Kolk, so go figure. Next  month, I pledge to listen to the book my friend suggested titled “Lean In”. I can give you my feedback on and my experience with that book as well during this particular time in my life. I’m off to do some journaling and perhaps reading. Goodnight!

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