I just decided that I need to live in a vacuum or perhaps on house arrest for my own good or sit under a tree for years until I figure things out, like Buddha (the more graceful option). However, how helpful would that be to my healing process anyway…? I don’t live in a vacuum otherwise. I literally told a new friend today that I am confused about my life and life choices, confused about my friendship with them, confused about who I am, and confused what I want to do when I grow up. She didn’t run…I’m surprised. I seriously do not know much about anything right now. I applied to some administrative jobs in the mental health field this past weekend, but I’m not quite sure I want to put conducting therapy on hold… but I am also tired of counseling others and have a considerable amount of work to do on myself. I actually think counseling others can help me with my work on myself. There is no right or wrong answer to any of this. I feel one way one day and I feel entirely different the next…good gut feelings to bad gut feelings and back about almost everything. I’m trying to gain a better understanding of my own inner-being and reactions within me. When something makes me want to run or cringe or makes me feel uncomfortable, I now speak up about it and express my needs and concerns. I’m over the games. I’m not ready to engage in any type of anything with anyone and I am so proud to say this. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I will take a friend and an ally in my corner, but nothing more. This has actually been a constant gut thing for me. I’m just going with the ebb and flow of my life and trying to keep my distractions to a minimum and spend a considerable amount of time alone. Distractions are there for their purpose…to distract from something. For me, distractions can serve as a short-term cover-up or escape from dealing with certin negative or overwhelming feelings. I’m very aware of this and give myself a nice bubble to myself and try to disconnect every so often, so that I can connect with myself. Yoga and meditation really help with this as well! 🙂 So I’m off to sleep soon. I have to wake up early tomorrow to do some notes before yoga class because I allowed myself to become distracted tonight. Goodnight!
Published by LearningtolovemeMarie
Hello, my name is Marie. I am a 20-something who wants to heal her emotional wounds and help her clients to heal as well. I am a clinical social worker (almost fully-licensed LCSW!) who deeply cares about my clients. I try to use my own life lessons, trials, and tribulations to better help myself and others. I pride myself in presenting to my clients as "more-human-than-most" and often let them know that I am a work in progress as well. I attribute my vast collection of self-help books on my book shelf not only to my clients' "presenting problems" but also my own. I have attempted to create 2 blogs recently on a different site and found myself feeling frustrated and expressing negativity and anger (this was leading up to my breakup). Now that I am in a different place, I aim to keep this blog positive, but real, as I share with you my journey toward healing my body, mind, and spirit--and finding myself somewhere along the way. I will be sharing my favorite resources, quotes, and pictures that are helping me through this difficult time. My hope is that you will find some healing from this blog and from my experiences. View all posts by LearningtolovemeMarie