I just had a scary realization about myself and my codependent behavior. I’m experiencing it right now in real-time. I’m noticing how my body and brain have reacted to a certain delay in communication. My brain sometimes becomes hijacked when someone or something is not distracting it. Why? I would love to know why exactly, but I don’t need to know why to change something. I allow myself to scare the shit out of myself sometimes. If I apply nonjudgment to this current situation, then nothing will change. I freak myself out, so I need to make changes. First step is awareness! Then comes conscious change. And no one can take care of you but you. My heart hurts. I’m feeling emotional today. And I’m letting myself feel it all. I heard a song on the radio on my way to work called “Sorry” by Nothing but Thieves and it reminded me of him (my ex)…there is no significant other or other “him” to be named at this point in time. I will not allow it. Nor will my heart, or my body, mind or soul. I am thinking about sporting the claddagh ring I bought myself facing towards me to remind myself that it is OK to keep your heart closed and protected and just be with yourself. After all, I am dating myself at this time!
Published by LearningtolovemeMarie
Hello, my name is Marie. I am a 20-something who wants to heal her emotional wounds and help her clients to heal as well. I am a clinical social worker (almost fully-licensed LCSW!) who deeply cares about my clients. I try to use my own life lessons, trials, and tribulations to better help myself and others. I pride myself in presenting to my clients as "more-human-than-most" and often let them know that I am a work in progress as well. I attribute my vast collection of self-help books on my book shelf not only to my clients' "presenting problems" but also my own. I have attempted to create 2 blogs recently on a different site and found myself feeling frustrated and expressing negativity and anger (this was leading up to my breakup). Now that I am in a different place, I aim to keep this blog positive, but real, as I share with you my journey toward healing my body, mind, and spirit--and finding myself somewhere along the way. I will be sharing my favorite resources, quotes, and pictures that are helping me through this difficult time. My hope is that you will find some healing from this blog and from my experiences. View all posts by LearningtolovemeMarie