Blessed Be the Mystery of Love (and Life)

I haven’t been writing as much lately because I feel that a lot of what I’m dealing with can really only be done truly on my own. I have become obsessed with Sufjan Stevens, his face, his being, and music. It’s safer to like a celebrity at this point in my life…haha I realize that at this point in my life, I am living and learning. I’m scared and anxious. I try new things sometimes that I don’t like and that doesn’t feel right. I want him back. I feel sad today.  Thank God I’m smart enough to not push my limits too far. I feel uneasy and dysregulated today. I’m thinking about him a lot today. I want him back or I want to be alone at this time. It is a refreshing feeling knowing that my mind, body, and soul isn’t ready. Part of me is still honestly his. I’m feeling very emotional today. I want to resolve, rehash, and start over with him today. I went to church. I ask God to help me conquer this confusion, heartbreak, and preoccupation so that I can focus on finding my true purpose in life and find my peace within myself…not others or in being accepted by others. I’m trying to be patient with myself and not overreact to the decisions I make at this time. Whatever happens, I’m constantly led to wanting to work things out once again. However, I surrender control to the situation, as it was not my choice to end my relationship. On that note, I will never surrender my relationship to myself and that’s the one truly worth working on. I’m off to dinner with my family. I pray it’s an easy one without a lot of questions. Have a good day, everyone! Maybe I’ll write tonight. This world we live in, life, and love is so damn confusing! Keeps me intrigued every minute though! haha 😛

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