Yeah…that didn’t happen…but this did!

I am sorry. I have been caught up in so much lately and have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with work and with my life, including patching up the sorrow and loneliness from the breakup with temporary band-aids that are making me actually miss him more sometimes. I wouldn’t admit this to him, but I would admit this on a blog that he may even see…who knows. I also have wanted to text him, but I have refrained and have decided to “eat” the feeling instead of sharing it, which would very likely result in more problems. This morning, I woke up with a weird feeling in my gut about what I have been doing with my life lately and some type of urge within me to make changes. I wish I knew more about life so I could be like “OK I’m feeling this, so I need to do that”. I wish life, science, and therapy were more like that. But they are not…and I’m sure the reward is worth the challenge that has been presented to me. I get impatient a lot of the time with myself and with others. I have put my focus on some other entity (I’m being vague here) and have taken my focus off of finding my life’s purpose and of healing my heart–to make positive changes in my life. I’m a bit angered but am also thankful for the tough love my gut, parents/ family, therapist, and friends have given me about this situation. I’m having a certain feeling today, but what if I act upon it and that feeling goes away and I am kicking myself for it because I feel the opposite tomorrow? A wise person once told me, “If you do not know what to do…do nothing.” I’d like to add to this quote…”but keep moving forward.” How can I best differentiate what is truly best for myself? Are the things that others point out and suggest to me things I should take into account for my own sake, or are they just giving me their two cents and I’m letting this shake up my view on things? I experienced this in my past relationship. I believe this is something that will keep coming up for me until I figure out a better way to navigate it. I have heard numerous accounts from people of different professsions and schools of thought saying that the universe will throw an issue or problem at you, that resurfaces in different relationships and scenarios, until you find a way to master such an issue. There is no coincidence that a recent situation has led me back to some old codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and being. I like to think of this not as a a pain-in-the-ass coincidence I don’t want to deal with, but a challenge to master. I find myself being more mentally lazy lately and physically tired, which poses even more of a challenge. This is all probably part of the plan too…

Daily affirmations: I am taking time to relax my body and restore my energy this weekend. I am seeking my truth and purpose. I am patient with myself on this journey.

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